So, there was this ridiculously rich Chinese millionaire guy in Vancouver, and he really liked shaggy dogs, and so he advertised that he would pay five million dollars for the world`s shaggiest dog.
Five million for a shaggy dog. And it just goes to show you about how some people have too much money. There was this newspaper article about how one couple had an exact replica of their living room rebuilt at the doggy hotel so the dog wouldn`t feel so homesick when they went out for a vacation and left the dog at the doggy hotel.
Anyway, this guy in Montreal, Gary, well he has a really shaggy dog
Well Gary is a friend of mine on Facebook, well he is not really a friend, actually I liked something that a real friend of mine on Facebook shared from Gary and now for some reason I get all of Gary`s posts on Facebook. I wish I knew how to shut off his Facebook posts because he is not really my friend. There are so many levers and buttons on Facebook and I waste so much time on Facebook, I should never really gotten started with it. There are some guys I really should defriend.
But Gary has this really shaggy dog, I saw the picture of the dog and it was really shaggy. So Gary decides he is going to drive to Vancouver with the dog and show the dog to the rich Chinese guy, sell it for $ 5 million and live blog the whole trip on Facebook.
So he gets in his car and starts driving west and the first stop is at the Enroute food and gas stop around Napanee. Suddenly I was interested in the story because I can`t tell you how many times I stopped there myself. My problem, whenever I stop there, is that I am a vegetarian and there is nothing for vegetarians to eat there. I am always thrown into despair about the whole vegetarian enterprise by all the variations on hamburger. Did you know that Rob Ford’s brother Doug was a vegetarian. I did not see that coming at all.
So Gary and the shaggy dog are going to overnight in Toronto. They have reservations at the Sheraton Centre downtown. I stayed there once. No dogs allowed. What can Gary do? What he does is absolutely brilliant. Wild, unexpected, unorthodox, a bit stupid, probably unethical but absolutely brilliant none-the-less. I remember just staring at the Facebook in disbelief. But Gary posted a picture showing the British telephone booth in the middle of the Sheraton lobby, so he must have done it. Maybe it was Dr. Who’s Tardis. Does anybody watch Dr. Who? Great show – Matt Smith as the Dr. I can’t believe nobody suspected anything.
They pass by Sudbury, look at the giant nickel there and then head to Sault Ste. Marie. They have been driving for a while so they stop to look at the canal. Another car stops, and this guy gets out and he has this real shaggy dog too. So, Gary is interested. Is this guy trying to drive to Vancouver and sell his shaggy dog for millions of dollars as well? Gary wanted to ask but had to be discrete. He didn’t want the guy to get ideas. This second dog was actually shaggier than Gary’s dog. So he tries small talk. “Nice canal there.”
So, they drive around the Lakehead and pick up a couple of hitch-hikers around Wawa. Boy, was that a mistake. There they are, Gary and his shaggy dog, just trying to sell the dog for millions of dollars, trying to help out a couple of hitchhikers, and what a mistake. The woman especially, what a sly character. Do you know what she did? You know Wawa has this giant Canadian goose. I hitched hiked through there once when I was in my teens – but that was a different time and many of us were doing it. Anyway I saw this goose too, so I know where the story happened. Everybody just stops, looks at the goose, takes a picture, and keeps driving. No not this woman. What an insane character. A real shyster.
So instead of driving across the Prairies on Highway one like any normal person, Gary decides to drive through the south on Highway 13. There they were, Gary and the shaggy dog in the middle of nowheresville – somewhere between Pumphandle Saskatchewan and Lilac Alberta. There is ticks and lice in the grass. And Gary walks into this semi-illicit bar with his shaggy dog. And all the guys in this bar, well, they are all farm-hands, and there is this drought on, and they been drinking. You just won`t believe what happened. And there is one in every rurual county. So, there is this drought on. How do you relieve and get guys to back down from a stressful situation like this? I think we all can learn from how Gary handled this. It was a brilliant ploy. All the farm guys are watching soccer on the tv. Maybe their team is losing and their in a bad mood. How many people in Canada have a favourite soccer team, really? And all us manly men type guys are supposed to like sports and have a favourite soccer team. What if we don`t. Do I really have to be ashamed if I don`t find guys kicking a ball around interesting. And they got their own dogs but they weren’t as shaggy as Gary’s dog – which was really shaggy.
Can you picture this? Why did he decide to drive? Really, a word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. You got to picture it. He should have taken the train. The bar was right beside this railway siding, but the train has not been operating for years – the track had been abandoned. He couldn`t have taken the train. Anywar, I was so amazed at how Gary got his dog out of there. It reminded me of Macgyver on tv using duct tape and a Swiss army. It was just brilliant.
Finally, they are in Vancouver. So, there they are, Gary, the rich Chinese guy, and this shaggy dog, and what happens next is just so fantastic. I couldn`t believe it on Facebook. There are lots of stuff you see on Facebook, and a lot of it I just can`t believe, like the post about cauliflower being 40% protein. That one still baffles me.
So, there`s Gary, rich Chinese guy, and the shaggy dog, and the Chinese guy looks at this shaggy dog, and says …. And it just hilarious too.
There`s the Toastmaster`s red light. Maybe they should get one of those television remote controls to try to shut speakers off. Can you imagine the timer going like zap, zap, zap, when you are overtime. That would get the message across.
You should really look up this story of the shaggy dog. It`s really really interesting and funny. Fellow Toastmasters.